I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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