I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
