okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
