I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
