So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
