better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
