He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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