you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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