Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
