remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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