have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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