walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
