addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
