Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
