I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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