He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
