I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
