I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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