quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
