I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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