Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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