how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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