Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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