the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
