but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
