Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
