overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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