Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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