My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
