Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Found the puke drawer
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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