There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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