The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
