wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
