i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
