The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm really busy with my period
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
