I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
