I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
