Your mouth is God's brothel.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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