worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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