tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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