"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
