They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize