Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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