Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
