Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
