if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
