i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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