we have pet lesbian snakes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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