Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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