the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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