Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
