true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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