my shit smells like andre
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
