You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
