VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
