Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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