Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
