I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
