Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to cum in my sink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize