I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
