I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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