Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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