I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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