I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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