I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
