I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
