the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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