i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
