Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
