don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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