Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
