I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
